Do What You Love
Just doin’ what I love, you know, lovin’ what I do, like my mom always said ‘do what you love and the money will follow’ and so I’m doin’ what I love, you know, just lovin’ what I do and if it’s something I’m doing it’s something I’m lovin’ you know because I’m here and I’m just doin’ what I love and it’s happening.
California Homosexuals’ Group Audition for Biggest Loser Mistaken for Civil Rights Movement
California’s gays and lesbians have spent most evenings and some afternoons since the November 4th election marching through the streets of their cities and towns holding signs. While onlookers and media alike have assumed the gays were protesting the passage of Prop 8, gay insiders admit that is just a misunderstanding.
“The people of California spoke and who are we to ruffle any feathers,” said Tristan Isolde as he marched seven miles from Sunset Junction to Hollywood and Highland. “We just figured since most of us have lost family members, jobs, friends, being considered normal or moral, the support of the church and now the right to marry, we may as well lose some weight too! Hey, if the chickens of California can commit to better health… well, we should follow their brave lead.”
When asked why he was holding a large No on 8 sign, Tristan explained, “This old thing? It was just taking up space in my garage and I figured raising it up and down would be a killer forearm work-out.”
Shelly Albondigas, a march organizer, said that the majority vote for Prop 8 confirms what gays have long suspected: that California wants to relegate its same sex loving citizens to sources of entertainment, ridicule and fashion advice.
“We’ve probably been asking for too much,” Shelly said. “Equal rights for all is no substitute for Will and Grace, am I right or am I right? So we’re gonna shed some lbs and attempt to look even more fabulous than we already do while you laugh at our jokes, compliment our color pallet and then stab us in the back. Plus, dodging rocks and homophobic fists really improves the ‘ol agility.”
Silverlake Lining On Prop 8 Cloud
Commitment-phobic hipster guys and non-Uhaul Lesbians across California are secretly glad that they can go back to saying “I won’t get married until everyone can get married” and “Baby, you know I’d marry you if I could” respectively.
Election Day Jitters
Well America, it’s here. The Day of Days. The ol’ choo-choo train-through-the-tunnel-o-
I could tell you how I voted, sure, but as I understand it, I can make a little stink about not telling you. It’s a secret sanctioned by civics. Plus I forgot already. I think it was the guy with the brave lips. He liked mustard? Uh…oh I know! He punctuated every flag salute with a back flip. I think his name was, Billy Jilly Gam Gam. Man, just listen to the way that rolls of the tongue. President Billy Jilly Gam Gam. If that doesn’t have “prez” written all over it I don’t know what does…except for his campaign slogan, which I’m also just remembering right now: “V-v-v-ote for me, and then you’ll see, just how happy, happy can be! I’m a volcano!”
Now get out there and snote!
5 of 5
Ladies and gentlemen, the grand finale of Barbariana, Queen of the Savages.
Barbariana Memories
Oh, Barbariana!
I once saw Dustin Hoffman speak at UCLA. A student got up and asked, “When you were making THE GRADUATE did you know?” “Know what?” answered Dusty.
“Know that you were all making something great…something for the ages?” Dusty looked confused and a little offended. He leaned over to the moderator and whispered something. At that point a couple of security guards came in and hauled the student away. No one ever saw him again.
I was recently asked this question of Barbariana. Did I know? Interesting. They answer is I don’t know…because I don’t remember the making of this film. I mean, shit, I was so coked out the entire time I’m surprised they ever managed to cover my scenes. Heck, I remember Price even had that blond ballerina from CENTER STAGE lined up to take over if I got one more nose bleed. That was funny. Funny for Price. He lost his kneecaps over that whole dispute. I mean, fuck, I wasn’t gonna be no Eric Stoltz to Jodie Sawyer’s M.J. Fox. Hell no. No fuckin’ way.
Anyhoo, it’s a real honor to be a part of this film, blah, blah, blah but it really was before I found Jesus so I’m not supposed to talk about that part of my life. Anyway. I’m just glad it’s finally fucking done so Darren can shut up about it already. And send me the fuckin’ poster already. People are asking for it.
A Word From the Costuminatrix
It’s finally coming to an end. It was an intense pleasure to work with Darren and everyone. I became intimately aware of many parts of my dear friends in the costume creating and fitting process and along with the talented hands of Nicole Boyce we stretched $300 into 13 principle characters’ costumes. My apartment looked as though a leather and fur fringe monster had been murdered there with bits of leather and such strewn heavily about. Nick wenger, my roomate at the time was very understanding and supportive. I have to say Darren was an inspiring joy to work with.
I think one funny story about the costume creating process was when I was sitting on the floor of my kitchen at 4 in the morning with a hacksaw removing the horns from a skull we had bought on eBay so they could be affixed to Heather’s crown. I was sitting on the floor sawing away and my roomate who had woken up thirsty comes out to the kitchen and finds me there. We exchanged looks. He said nothing and returned to bed no longer in need of liquid refreshment. The cast, which was comprised of friends and crew (though damn fine actors all–except that faeirie slut) was amazing to work with and so giving and kind. This project was like being in a big crazy family. I would love to work with any and all of them again, especially the maestro.
xoxoxo
dwm
p.s. Oh yes, the king’s leaf suit is made of duct tape 
My Life as Faerie King
In the summer of 1997 I was thrilled to have landed my first role of Zara, Faerie King. I couldn’t believe that I booked a part where I shared the same name! I signed the SAG contract immediately needless to say. Bleaching my hair and getting extensions was probably the toughest part of the four month shoot. But I couldn’t believe that I was working with such talented actors like Hunter Parish, Helen Hunt, Lily Allen, Josh Cooke, Heather Langenkamp, and of course famed director Werner Herzog!!! I will say working with Keith Carradine and Kat DeLuna was a real bummer though.
This film led me to roles on such TV shows as Power Rangers: Tokyo Go! Team! Magic!, Power Rangers: Time Backwards! and Tru Calling starring sexy Eliza Dushku. Movies included 54 and Power Rangers: Super Lightening!: The Movie.
Of course my cocaine addiction brought me back down to earth and then rehab. My days are now spent stuffing toy bears at a certain bear stuffing store on Hollywood and Highland. Yes, the Winter of 1999 is a one day time I will never forget. Thank you Werner, thank you.
Love,
Taylor Michaels
http://www.taylormichaels.cocaineblogspot.coke
My Life As A Puman
While others slaved in the hot sun for weeks, my filming on Barbariana was limited to two days which, while taxing, were still more fun than anything else. Yes, I was clad in only a sleeve from a leather jacket fashioned roughshod into a loincloth, plus some chains, and yes I was smeared head to toe in dirt make up that took hours of showering plus some assistance from feminine hands to remove, but how often do you get to snarl, drool, and bay in your every day life? Not often enough, that’s for sure.
Darren had also secured me monster eyes; they were contact lenses. I’ve never worn contacts before, and figured that putting them in would be intuitive. I spent hours poking myself in the eye the day before my call. When I arrived on set, the monster eyes were nowhere to be found, so we shot without them. Those are my own, ever-loving blue peepers peering out from all the inky blackness of the chaos slathered on my face. It works better than sunscreen, though, I’ll tell you that.
People have asked if that’s my real hair and the answer is yes, all of it. From my head to my back, all of that is me: what you see is what you get. There were some strands woven into my hair; the chicken bones aren’t usually there, at least not all of them. If you notice me walking gingerly, it’s because the ground is uneven and I am barefoot. You may not even remember my character, you should really go back and watch Episode 1 again, it peaks after Hunter bitch slaps me to death, everything after that is just padding. No offense, Darien.
It is my hope to one day be on a panel discussion after a screening of this film. I want the lights to come up and have the audience see me there, wearing a sweater, looking as preppie as can be. “It’s called ‘acting,’” I’ll explain, although to prepare for the role I didn’t even really do the things a good actor would do, like go to the zoo and look at pumas for how they move. Talking with a mouth full of monster teeth pretty much took all my concentration anyhow, and the best reaction Devon got from me was when he provoked me by asserting that the Manfred Mann cover of Springsteen’s “Blinded By the Light” is superior to the original: that remark is what preceded the take of me turning around to face the camera with hate and vengeance in my eyes. I’ll also tell how I picked up dinner for the cast and crew on my first day of taping.
Thinking back on it now, I remember my first day on set, seeing Hunter and Dagmar in their costumes, seeing the crew braving the heat and the underbrush and thinking, My god he’s really making it! And now, by God, he’s really made it. We all have. Congratulations cast, crew, and fans!
p.s. That’s also my voiceover narrating the story. CRACK’D EARTH
BENJAMIN
HEIDERICH
PEKIN
PETERSON
ZARA